Property Restoration T-Shirts

"We decided to restore our home to its original state."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"What old school? This is my life."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

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'For Sale by Neighbor'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Great to see the ol' museum is finally getting a face-lift.' An old building getting a medical face-lift

Mouse real estate!

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

Under New Mismanagement

'They did a great job in restoring all the 19th century details, but this confounded dress code...'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

Restored antique carriage in A.D. 2500

For Sale By Owner

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."