Property Prospecter Pillows

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'I remember when all this was fields.'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Starter Homes

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

"You've got termites."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

'At least this means we won't need a coal mining search.'

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"You're going to love the 360 degree views with this one."

Estate Agent: Houses with Hedge....Houses Without Hedge

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

"That's way out of my price range..."

Box sold: 'I told you the property market was improving.'

Valuation of Heaven

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

Valentines for Real Estate

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."