Property Picker Pillows

"He's very finicky."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Mouse real estate!

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

Starter Homes

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

"You've got termites."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

See the house whose property taxes were raised

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

For Sale By Owner

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."