Property Paradox Ponderer Pillows

'Here's another sign the housing market still hasn't fully recovered.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

The Artist

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

Two guns are pointing at each other in a peace sign.

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Desert island dweller sinks in sand.

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

Inventing Time Travel

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

Schrodinger's Cat Litter Box

"Experimental 'no government' zone next 200 miles—by order of Trump!"

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

A psychic mows the lawn.

"What the?! Have you read about the Schrodinger's cat paradox? That's really twisted dude!"