Property Evaluation Pillows

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

Repossessions

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.

UP Again: Housing Prices.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

For Sale By Owner

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

Little Investment on the Praire

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

"I told you he was a motivated seller.