Prop Collector T-Shirts

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

'Why Sally, you look so fetching with that stick!'

'Actually, a broken arm is not such a big handicap for me...'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Employee of the month...

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"And that's our newscast. Don't forget to follow us on the Web for up-to-the-minute reactions of everything we've just told you."

'I knew the day would come when we'd regret moving next door to a genetic research facility.'

As you like it - One way of catching fish

"I like wine gadgets more than I like the wine!"

Hague Convention Defied! Failure of the new Tommy-Scalder.

"I wonder what this was for."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

Orthopaedist

'How old is this vase?'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'I'm sorry Rex, but since getting this new stick for Christmas, I have no further need for you.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."