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'Hello! Don't I know you from the internet?'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Stop and Birch

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

'Be careful! She loves to curl up by the fire with a good author!'

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'On the internet, nobody knows you're a monkey.'

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"Attention, shoppers!! We have a senior lost in the produce section!. . ."

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'I see from your profile that you are 5ft 3, have blond hair and like red wine.'

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

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'And number five said in his profile that he was 6'2' and he turned out to be 5'7'.'

'So tell me about yourself. Where do you blog?'

"It looked bigger on Zillow."

Computer Dating Service: Be Careful What You Wish For!

'Do you, shoe online shop customer number 145583774, promise to love, honor and cherish electronic online shop customer number 9634217554...'

Online Dating Can Be Risky!

Taxman sits near work boxes: In/ In trouble.

'There's never anything new in the papers.' - 'It's the same thing happening to different people.'

"On my dating website it said would be the perfect match."

Ernie, your online dating profile says you're tall, athletic and wealthy. this is the biggest joke I've ever seen! Good point, Frank. I need to add something about my great sense of humor!

"His profile said he was involved in marketing for a major high street chain."

'You looked a lot smaller online.'

'Not had problems with the shared driveway, have we, dear?'

'I'm the real Kevin. This is the guy who plays me on my Facebook page.'

'I think I like you better online.'

"Maybe you should consider revising your dating profile, 'Mr. Multi millionaire, of Guildford'."