Dating Profile Explorer T-Shirts

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

Battle of the sexes in a relationship

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"He gets easily abstracted."

Online Dating

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Trust me, she can't fail to notice you now...'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

Heart to heart talk.

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"I just love a nice knight out."

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

Waterfall of Disappointment

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

Worm Bed

Monogamy