Profile Critique Master T-Shirts

'Your profile said you were tall, dark, and mysterious.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

You looked different during our video chat.

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

Using a social media app to date

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

Critics In Love

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

'I see by your resume that you're toilet-trained.'

'He was taller online!'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'This resume looks familiar. Were we once married to each other?'

Employment Office. I see by your resume that you don't stay in one place very long.

'I love your resume. Is it fiction, non-fiction, or plagiarized from the internet?'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

"Weather rebuttal."

"Do you mind if I put this on instagram?"

"Your Facebook page said nothing about you being a dung beetle!"

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"I keep changing my profile picture."