Profile Critique Master T-Shirts

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

Using a social media app to date

Critics In Love

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

'He was taller online!'

'I see by your resume that you're toilet-trained.'

'This resume looks familiar. Were we once married to each other?'

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

'I love your resume. Is it fiction, non-fiction, or plagiarized from the internet?'

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

"I'm internet dating. I'm looking for someone I can morph and tweak."

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"We did everything we could, but you still look like a geek on your dating profile."

"Be honest, do you think it's my profile pic holding me back?"

"I keep changing my profile picture."

"I see from your resume that you lost your last job due to habitual lateness."

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"