Profile Perfectionists T-Shirts

"Do you want style or comfort?"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bullseye!

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

Perfection

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"You're welcome."

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

Using a social media app to date

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.