Professional Underachiever Pillows

"There must be some way of getting yourself fired."

Overjumpers

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Genius Envy

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Too big to fail

'They're a very successful family.'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

Empty Headed Schoolboy

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"You're late, Myers!"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'No ulcers shows me you haven't reached your full potential.'

"The chairman said he wanted to see you when you got out of hospital."

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

"Timothy, success is nothing to fear."

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

"You promised to stop bringing your work home."

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

"With a good education you can grow up to be anything I want you to be."

Segway Workout

'Ten 'A's? Frankly son, I'm disappointed that you're not more of a disappointment to me.'

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."