Professional Humor Aficionado Gifts

Don't worry Harris, if we do start cutting back you'll be the first to know.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trump pardons

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'