Professional Humor Aficionado Gifts

Don't worry Harris, if we do start cutting back you'll be the first to know.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trump pardons

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Trappist Monk Discord

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

HELLth Food Sprouts

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'