Professional Development Coach Gifts

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Others will fight for you

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

How leaders fail

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"That's not how I sat on you."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'