Profanity Lovers Gifts

Ok men, it's time to take the pledge to join the US military. I will leave not man behind! Due to the family nature of our humble feature, we have decided to filter out this panel's gruesome violence. We have standards, after all. Except when it comes to profanity. Let's go you #$% dork. What the %$*@*?

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"She wishes to range free!"

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"OMG, LOL!"

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

Imported Candy. "Chocolate Australian Bears"? Yes --- "Coca-Koalas"!

Love is Blind.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn