Procedural Humor Lover Gifts

Procedures

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Fly Football

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Beach con-man.

"States of tofu"

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.