Problem Pondering T-Shirts

'When we say 'it's not rocket science' we mean it's something far more complicated.'

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'At least I don't have his life.'

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Caption Contest TK

I see

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"Nothing can be done about crime unless you deal with the root causes in the environment."

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"Does my brain look big in this?"

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"I utilize the best from Freud, the best from Jung and the best from my uncle Marty, a very smart fellow."

'I'm too small for my age: I keep being rejected...'

"If I can control everyone around me it would help my damaged self esteem."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'