Private Practice Doctor Pillows

'I'll talk to the animals for £250 an hour.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Your contents have shifted."

"The first one's just a warning."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"