Private Practice Doctor Gifts

'I'll talk to the animals for £250 an hour.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Your contents have shifted."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"