Prison Movie Enthusiast Gifts

'Yeah, I know I said they'd never take me alive -- you call this living?'

"Can I still do my pilates?"

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

Food Chain Gang

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

Wow, so you guys were in cahoots the whole time, huh?

"You ever done time?"

Preferred Prisons

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

"I'm in for stealing breath."

Dannemora School for Exceptional & Gifted Felons.

'Tell them I stepped away from my desk.'

What the?! It's all just wallpaper.

"You have to stop doing this. This is the eighth time you've received a life sentence!"

Prisoner playing golf with his ball and chains.

'Let's stay in tonight.'

'Yeah? Well you could use some deodorant, too!'

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

"It's like home from home in here. The rules and regulations are very similar."

Prison officers' hospital visit.

'The Warden said you're to stop renting out the security video of your bank robbery.'

Lawyer to prisoner- It's stopped raining, I'll be going,

'I'm going to handle your appeal, but remember, I'm on death row.'

Add Your Own Caption Week #218

Jail cell answering machine: We are unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message...

'Stampede, what you in for?'

And for sport we've got a spittoon.