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'You wanted your lawyer, he was only next door, moved in today.'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'It's windy this morning.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"You're doing 20-to-life. What do you mean you haven't got time to floss?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz.

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'I got busted for Identity Theft: I was pretending to be the Prince...'

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

'When I first saw you on TV, I just knew you were innocent of stalking.'

'Yes, you look stunning. Can I put the mirror down now?'

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

"I was making big money! Yes, an inch too big."