Prison History Buff Gifts

'Before this arthritis hit me, I was a top-of-the-line pickpocket. Now I can only steal from penny loafers.'

Birdman of Alcatraz.

Man in a Chain Gang has a Peg Leg.

State Prison: Big House sale today!

Prisoner wallpapering over his tally of days in prison.

The Bird man of Alcatraz celebrates Thanksgiving.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

Food Chain Gang

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

"You have to stop doing this. This is the eighth time you've received a life sentence!"

"I'm in for stealing breath."

'Tell them I stepped away from my desk.'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

What the?! It's all just wallpaper.

'Really?? Are you sure you didn't say St. Valentine's Day masquerade?'

"This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz."

Santa visits prison.

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

Barnaby in Newgate

'Let's stay in tonight.'

'Whoa...D?j? vu.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

The Four Stages of Cruelty - Reward of cruelty.

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

'I've developed a variation of Linkedin. It's Lockedup.'

"I'm Skeets McCarthy, I've always wanted to meet you and tell you how greatly I've admired your work."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

A man sitting in a jail cell reading a book titled "Who's Who in Jail".