Prison History Buff Gifts

'Before this arthritis hit me, I was a top-of-the-line pickpocket. Now I can only steal from penny loafers.'

Birdman of Alcatraz.

Man in a Chain Gang has a Peg Leg.

State Prison: Big House sale today!

Prisoner wallpapering over his tally of days in prison.

The Bird man of Alcatraz celebrates Thanksgiving.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

Food Chain Gang

"No ham in this, I hope?"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number."

Santa visits prison.

'Let's stay in tonight.'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

"You have to stop doing this. This is the eighth time you've received a life sentence!"

'Whoa...D?j? vu.'

What the?! It's all just wallpaper.

'Tell them I stepped away from my desk.'

"I'm in for stealing breath."

'Really?? Are you sure you didn't say St. Valentine's Day masquerade?'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

Barnaby in Newgate

"This gentleman would like to take his bird to see Alcatraz."

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

The Four Stages of Cruelty - Reward of cruelty.

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"I'm Skeets McCarthy, I've always wanted to meet you and tell you how greatly I've admired your work."

A man sitting in a jail cell reading a book titled "Who's Who in Jail".

"I think what I miss most is robbing people."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

''I'm under house arrest for six months. It's a lot more fun if you're not already in jail for a bunch of other crimes.'

'Can you sentence me to an overcrowded prison that has an overcrowded gang shower?'