Prison Gourmet T-Shirts

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'What'll it be?'

CSI Fridays

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"All I've got left is smoked."

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

Kirks & Tacos

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

"...And would madam like the snail porridge?"

"My aged cheddar died!"

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

"Red wine with fish? Do you take me as some kind of a monster?!"

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Guys, I'm cutting back on the seed. It's summer. Eat some bugs."

Vlad the Impaler - the Later Years

The Full Mountie!

"I wouldn't complain about the food too much if I were you. I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz, all I get is millet and if I'm really lucky a few berries!"

'A table near the food, please.'

'Fascinating. The rats choose chocolate nine times out of ten, but they always feel guilty about it later.'

All you can eat. . . pizza.

Selecting teeth.. "I'll have those, please."

'We only serve original recipes - made out of the finest whole cloth.'

Prisoner counting off the days on his computer.