Prison Administrator Gifts

'The warden is just trying to humanize capital punishment.'

"No, we don't need to enroll in health benefits every year, but the prison always makes us do it as part of our punishment."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

social services cuts

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

Madoff and devil.

Benefit mistakes cost one billion a year. Well in our defence we did get a lot of the numbers correct,they just weren't in the right order.

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Overcrowding's becoming a real problem in our penal system

Freedom Book.

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'