Principals Gifts

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

"I'm pretty sure my parents' homeowners insurance will cover it."

'Tom passed a major bench mark today. His official file is now taller than him.'

'I understand the school has a policy of promoting from within, so I'd like to be considered for your job when you retire.'

Principal sees a sign on faculty room: Happy Hour 3:00 - 4:30.

PRINCIPAL, 'Jaywalking and attempted bribery of a crossing guard with a Hershey bar, sir.'

"You're not allowed to plead 'no contest'."

'You are good with kids, but you need a teaching credential to teach.'

'Jason, it's 'Casual Friday', not 'Feral Friday'.'

'These are the people who contributed to my behavior.'

"Things to bring up at the next school board meeting: 1. need for more office space..."

"Remember, there are apps to rate Wesley's teachers as well as Wesley's parents."

"I'm not saying he's perfect. I'm just saying deal with it."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'It's a tough call but I'm going to side with your parents, if for no other reason, because they can sue and you can't.'

Changing Minds

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'