Prime-time Paradox Lover T-Shirts

'National Public Television now presents 'Monday Night Chess'!'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

The Meaning of Life

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

Grenadiers

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Right Against Right.

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

Zeno Gives Directions

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

"Is that your beeper or my beeper?"

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

'Say that again and you're a dead man!'

The City that Never Sleeps.

Fastest slowest animal

'Will this take long? I'm late for a very important date.'

Smoking in the Paradise.

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

'I'm afraid you're a hypochondriac Mr Jenkins... but luckily we have a pill for that!'

"We've come a long way since the me-and-now society."

"But it's peak viewing time. I feel guilty not having the TV switched on..."

Interpreting butterflies.

Man, who appears stressed, says to woman in pub: 'I'm into outdoor pursuits ??" smoking, for example.'

'Ms. Stimpson... cancel my high noon appointment.'

If you're at the highest level of consciousness and you know it, clap one hand