Pretension Observer Pillows

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

Astronaut Selfie.

Bumper Limos

"Leak to the press: Brussels bail-outs are French currency manipulation, costing British bureaucrats' jobs!"

'What day is trash pickup around here?'

Gone to seed.

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

Film Critic

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'How can you be so cheap?'

Space junk.

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

"I've half a mind to protest."

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

'Do you ever catch yourself wondering if this is all part of some crazy experiment?' (God looking at Earth through microscope)

Gas Prices

"I feel like Brunnhilde, but in 'The Kentucky Cycle.'"

"One day son, all this will be yours."

"Well, of course you feel like you are - We ARE all just going around in circles!"

Man advertises his Deli at a televised protest.

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

'Human Rights? You want to talk about Human Rights?? What the heck are you - a bloody communist??!'

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

"The world's getting smaller, right, so why are the postal prices getting larger?"

"One minute I was Chairman and Chief Executive of Mammon Industries, the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

"Have you noticed? They're making everything smaller at the grocery store...but they're keeping prices the same!"