Prestigious Professor Gifts

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Thinking Gears

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Make a lot of money."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

University Soapflakes

U of Debt

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Bearded Leftie.

Subatomic particles

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

The Giamatti era