Prestigious Professor Gifts

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

'Hmph. College kids.'

Thinking Gears

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Make a lot of money."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

U of Debt

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

Bearded Leftie.

Subatomic particles

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Giamatti era

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."