Presidential Prognosticator Prints

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"It will be all your fault."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"Your moon is in the House of Pancakes."

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

Dr. Prebish didn't always fit in with the other scientists.

Fortune teller describes to angler the size of the fish he's going to catch.

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

A self-filling prophecy.

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

'I'm looking for a short synopsis of the future in digital format.'

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

'I see things starting to break your way. Your computer will break down. Your car will break down...'

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

2017 glass half full

Reading the future in beard stubble.

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

"That's because supply exceeds demand."

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

'And right here the company experienced a cataclysmic event of biblical proportions.'