Preservatives Skeptic Gifts

'We've done it! We've extended the life of Twinkies. If only we could do that for humans.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Zoo animals.

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'Hmm ... wonder how much ivory fetches these days.'

Save the termites.

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'Too much Omega 3.'

Keep it on until he's gone. They still think we're extinct.

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Preserved

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

A man sprays a bug in an organic foods shop.

'This is a dolphin friendly boat.'

"Our carbon footprint has been very, very good to us."

Carbon capture and storage

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

'Yes, the re-introduction to the wild has been a great success.'

"Please, no more movies about feelings."

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

'To demonstrate that it's nothing personal I brought you some pills for the headache.'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'You're taking too much of that clamshell calcium, Margaret.'

"It's extremely rare for anyone to suffer side effects from health supplements Mr Baxter. Just how much cod liver oil have you been taking?"

'America uses 20 million barrels of oil a day. Our profits are up, but is it sustainable? Will consumers run out of money?'

'This is the first hydrochloric factory to run on wind power'

Jesse Helms - US Senator.

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.