Preparing For Death Pillows

"I hate how you look in that brown suit, but, hey… it's your funeral."

"Why bother?"

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Death coach..."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."

"Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!"

"Don't mention it."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

'What's the pass-word?'

O'Leary's Monuments

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

'Put it on my tab.'

Ignitas

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

"Would you like to save 10 percent today by opening a Palmer Funeral Home account?"

"Fred said he wants his ashes mingled with Daisy's ashes. He said not a word about my ashes!"

"Burial or cremation?"

"What will it take to put one of you two into a brand-new Eterna-5000 today?"

'He's determined to get his money's worth out of it before he dies.'

"Here you acknowledge the fact that, by opting for cremation, you forfeit the option to be a cool skeleton in a documentary 20,000 years from now."

"It's the Will of the People"

"I thought she was being shy. It turns out she's a doom-dayer!"