Preparing For An Interview T-Shirts

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

I'm going through your application as we speak.

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."