Preparing For A Big Interview T-Shirts

'Him? Oh, he's my job interview coach.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"Your education in business and management is impressive, but I'm hesitant to put you in a leadership position now that I see you're a lemming."

"I don't interview well."