Preparing For Interviews T-Shirts

"I don't interview well."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

I'm going through your application as we speak.

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"Have a seat with the other candidates for the tech position but be wary of the spit balls."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'You seem qualified. What concerns me is the car you're driving. It's not sending out the right message.'

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"You're great at hindsight, but we need someone who is more forward looking!"

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Clueless, malleable and not a boat-rocker - you'll go far."

A candidate makes their greatest impact on an interviewer in the first few minutes...

"Your education in business and management is impressive, but I'm hesitant to put you in a leadership position now that I see you're a lemming."

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

Really Good Careers: An Equal Opportunity Employer