Prepared Parent T-Shirts

"Don't cry honey. You know I never leave home without a Band-Aid. Or water and snacks. Or police strength pepper spray, a self-defence keychain, and a lipstick shotgun."

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Changing the baby.

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."