Premier League Pundit Gifts

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Labour moderates rallying cry.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Mudville

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'You drink like a fish.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

Question Thyme

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

'Put the kettle on darling.'

7 Dead Twits Pub & Alehouse - 'He's paying.'

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

Pound sign about to be crushed by a 1 Ton Trade weight

"I'm thinking of making a bid for the tory leadership."

Sean Hannity

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'

Crucified for off-air comments.