Premier League Pundit Gifts

Arsene Wenger dusting off incoming transfers book.

Jose Mourinho Caricature.

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Half-Price Haircut and Half-Cut Price Hair.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Labour moderates rallying cry.

Official Rhetoric About Leakers and Whistleblowers, Translated

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

Mudville

'You drink like a fish.'

'My first drink since my accident.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"We're TV pundits debating the issues."

Question Thyme

'I really think you should check your pools, sir.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"I swear, Eddie, you ought to be on with Bill Moyers."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

'Happy hour was over an hour ago. Wipe that stupid grin off your face!'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"I know I should Fuggedaboutit but I can't."

Put us down as decidedly and definitely more positive than "maybe" but probably something not quite so strong as "perhaps."

Gentlemen, I'm gathering information about the electorate. First question, how have you voted in the past? Sometimes I've filled in circles with a pen. Or used an electronic touch-screen. Once I punched holes in a card! When you live in Florida, right? I've written in a name. And voted by mail! I'm beginning to understand why polling data is increasingly unreliable.

'Whoever's guess is closest to the time when the last needle falls off the tree wins the hundred-dollar pool!'

'Put the kettle on darling.'

If I survive this, I'm reinventing myself as a television pundit.

7 Dead Twits Pub & Alehouse - 'He's paying.'

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

Crucified for off-air comments.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of refereeing are the hardest.'