Predatory Humorist Pillows

Wade 'Gator' Ruben, Tax Attorney

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."