Praise Paradox T-Shirts

They hated me.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

The Meaning of Life

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

"I'm sorry son, I don't know how to answer whether today is opposite day or not."

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'Applicant wacked out, suggest immediate promotion.'

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"That was Albert. He was at a demonstration against global warming and now he's in the hospital with frostbite."

"Well, I thought installing a kitchen faucet without having to call the plumber was a pretty good 'praise'."

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

Letter to God

'I've been looking everywhere for that!'

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"

Tortured by music

Clancy: Good Idea

A hunter sits reading by the fireplace with Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and the Easter Bunny's heads mounted on the wall as trophies.

'Say that again and you're a dead man!'

Scenic Route.

"The hibiscus really ties the place together."

"The piped-in spa music makes all the difference."