Pragmatic Pals Pillows

'Now don't let any of these slick salesmen talk you into a luxury model.'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

Then, after a brief silence, things turned ugly,

"But is it Organic?"

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"OK, let's go to contract."

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

Canada, a country of peace and beaver tails. Happy Canada Day!

But alas, it was only Grandpa Otis and his signature, 'Pull my feather,' prank.

Golfer couple just married

'All the demons chipped in to get Satan a gag gift for his birthday.'

Waiter is about to give diner the Turkey Surprise dinner.

"I married for love." "I divorced for money."

Checking watch

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

Death of a Prankster

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

Mild in the Streets

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

Beware of Old Dogs Learning New Tricks

'Jiggles is out for the season... he broke his funny bone.'

"Just stare up into the corner of the ceiling and growl. It really freaks him out."

"Whoa! He musta' jumped ten feet that time."

"Fine. As long as it doesn't involve spending money."