Pragmatic Pals Pillows

'Now don't let any of these slick salesmen talk you into a luxury model.'

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

'I'm sick and tired of you and your 'get rich quick' schemes.'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

Foodies at a Diner. We'll have the alphabet soup, unless it's Helvetica or Times New Roman.

'Bless this food, and protect us from the pesticides and additives therein.'

Upside down question mark hanging from fishing line.

"I don't wear jewelry, but cash is nice."

Then, after a brief silence, things turned ugly,

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

"But is it Organic?"

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

"OK, let's go to contract."

Canada, a country of peace and beaver tails. Happy Canada Day!

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"I married for love." "I divorced for money."

Golfer couple just married

Checking watch

Waiter is about to give diner the Turkey Surprise dinner.

But alas, it was only Grandpa Otis and his signature, 'Pull my feather,' prank.

'All the demons chipped in to get Satan a gag gift for his birthday.'

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

Mild in the Streets

Death of a Prankster

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"Fine. As long as it doesn't involve spending money."

"Just stare up into the corner of the ceiling and growl. It really freaks him out."

Beware of Old Dogs Learning New Tricks

'Jiggles is out for the season... he broke his funny bone.'