Practical Gift Seeker T-Shirts

'I'd like a solid retirement portfolio.'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"Roadkill cookies"

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

International House of Excrement

Happy Bifurcation Day,

Regifts of the Magi

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

Fish mobsters.

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"What seems to be the problem?"

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'