Pr Artist Gifts

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"National security adviser"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

Target your customer.

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"I go that extra mile!"

Information...political rhetoric

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'How fast can you hype?'

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

"Your press kit said you were lots of fun."

'Get me public relations!'

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

'When you do the article, is there any way that you can squeeze the factory into the picture?'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

'The client loves your work. Cut everything except for their logo.'

"I'm not sure cuteness counts as a core competency? but hey if it gets hits, you're on."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'This next part is important. Can you say, ‘putting people before profits' - three times fast - without laughing?'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"There sits the unvarnished truth. Now, how shall we interpret it to our advantage?"