Powerpoint Ninja T-Shirts

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Go team!

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

Office Supplies/Coffee Supplies.

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

Trade Show Sherpas

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

The Card Flinger

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

Change Management: Change can be ruf.

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

"Oh, go on Jeffrey. . . Give him an order!"

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'Well done! This works much better.'

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'