Powerlifting Punster Pillows

"The power's out again? So what do you do when that happens?"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

I think you're ace

Dogs life

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dog Walker

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"I do lover a good prawn film!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

A Tongue Stud.

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

"He's a shiitake."

Lawyer Xing

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

"There's no need to call me names, Slime-Breath!"

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

'Five years in that place. What on earth did you do with yourself in all that time.'

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.