Post-divorce Settlement Pillows

'My ex-wife and I have only one thing in common. We both want my money.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Marriage least expected to last...

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

'According to your pre-nuptial agreement. If you divorce her, you'll turn back into a frog.'

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"I do corporate, divorce, and malpractice, but I'm most familiar with leash laws."

'... And just in case it doesn't work out, here's my card. I'm also a very good divorce lawyer.'

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Of course I will! Hey, I can't go wrong - my brother is a divorce lawyer and my dad is a gun dealer!'

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

'You don't want to marry me. I'm a divorce lawyer.'

Marriage Returns

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"As a matter of fact, yes, it was an amicable divorce."

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Change your style, learn to smile!

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."