Post-baby Body Advocate Gifts

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Critisize your weight.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Aging Problems

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

Scales

Fat fairy

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

Girl's weight issues.

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.