Post-baby Body Advocate Gifts

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Critisize your weight.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Aging Problems

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

Fat fairy

Scales

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"Yes, "breeding like rabbits" is often used in a pejorative sense. The truth is, we don't care as we love having kids..."

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

Girl's weight issues.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"I can't have anything that's a food."