Posh Diner Gifts

'Perhaps, Monsieur would perfer a different vintage?'

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

'Is Sir quite sure he wouldn't prefer a glass?'

Specials Board

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"For drinks or dinner?"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'You made me jump,'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

'Your tea is getting cold.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

'All right, I agree with you.'

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'