Portrait Art Admirer Gifts

Cagey Bea

"You've captured the business side of me, but it doesn't say loving family man and generous friend."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Why don't you find a museum!"

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

"You're my Mona Lisa."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'Evidently, one of them was a cartoonist!'

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Cats at private view

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Framed Lady

Picasso: The Early Years

Trilby - 'The sweet melodic phrase.'

"What did Jesus order?"

Phoenix

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Kultural K9's.

'Must be the lesser known Easter Egg Island.'

"Feel better, dear?"

Mimi's final scene

Joe Biden

Man blending in to his chair is reading Optical Illusion Monthly magazine.

Diego Velasquez

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

The Thinker?

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

Jerry's 'culture-vulture' persona was plunged into jeopardy when he mistook a light switch for a modern art installation.