Portion Size Skeptic Pillows

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

All-Day Breakfast

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Weight Gain Denial

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

Please seat to be weighted.

Woman and scales.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I wouldn't have to go on a diet if we hadn't gone metric."

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'How would you like your steak, sir?' - 'Big.'

'Your weight second opinion.'

Go large or go home!

Fruits and vegetables

'LIAR!'

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

"It is way too much food. That's why we charge way too much money."

'You lie!'

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'No matter what you do, you can't cheat a bathroom scale...'

Lady getting her weight taken and machine exploding under pressure.

'Diet ready meals' 'Can help reduce weight only by not actually eating it'