Portfolio Planners Pillows

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'When you said you're a contrarian, I just assumed you meant your investment style, Mr. Kobenz.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Build Your Own Portfolio

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

ACME Balloon Company.

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Time to buy.'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Make it Dow 30,000, and I'll sell you my soul."

The Invisible Hand of the Market

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'