Population Dynamics T-Shirts

'I blame the parents.'

The Jeopardy of Progress

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

Relationship Warning Lights

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

That party went well.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

Children's Party

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

World Production.

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"I'm sending you an interesting article about declining birth rates."

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"