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"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

Big screen TV.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

Dress for Success suit shop: 'Can I pay you for it later, after I get successful?'

'I'm a star!'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Guitarist: 'We can freely improvise some other time ... now let's practise.' (With Derek it was always jam tomorrow)

The world's most unemployable family

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

Children's imagination

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

Like many kids, Bobby had an imaginary friend. Unfortunately for Bobby, he was a critic.

"Have you give any thought to my suggestion about a sculpture that's just a chubby kid constantly peeing."

"Great money scenes!"

"Er. . . anything else?"

"Music helps with maths... like which song got to number one... which song got to number two..."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'Don't be hard on the boy, dear, I'm sure that Van Gogh's first sunflowers weren't so hot.'

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song, too."

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Write your acceptance speech before winning the award."

"Well, now we know what Letterman's doing, what are we doing?"

"I'm not sure I'd want fifteen minutes of fame. Mum would only follow it with fifteen minutes of criticism."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'I don't know about you lot but I've just played Proud Mary.'